Pick up an issue of Bicycling magazine or search the internet and you'll find that there are an increasing number of bicycle tours where the apparent purpose of the tour is not to actually ride a bicycle. The purpose is to feast on Epicurean delights, and to occasionally break up the monotony of all of that constant wining and dining by hopping on a bicycle every now and then, just to exercise something besides the jaw muscles.
But being a sort of Epicurean type of guy that I am, I too, enjoy only the finest food and drink when I participate in a bicycle tour. The recent DALMAC 5 Day Upper Peninsula tour that I just completed with Tim Stewart (the elder), John Olbrot, Dan Goldberger, and Carl Clatterbuck, along with Bob, a former Michigander who now lives in Austin, Texas, whom we met during the ride, certainly provides proof of that. Read on and live vicariously through my digestive system.
Wednesday: Lansing to Shepherd, 73 Miles
Breakfast: Orange juice and a blueberry muffin, courtesy of the Red Roof Inn in Lansing. Given that the muffin probably had enough preservatives to be edible after placement in a 50 year time capsule, it wasn't bad.
Mid-morning Snack: After 15 miles of punishing riding, my fellow cycling gourmets and I knew that a nutrition break was in order. So, we stopped at Sweetie-licious Bakery in DeWitt for pie, because you can never eat enough pie while riding a bicycle. Many a DALMAC rider has stopped at Sweetie-licious, because the pie and quiche are very good. It is also the case that the owner of the bakery is a 40-something blonde who is attractive and vivacious, a potent combination when competing for that key DALMAC demographic - the male 50+ year old rider, of whom, it is safe to say, was never the Prom King at his local high school. I had a huge piece of bacon and swiss quiche, followed by a slice of blueberry/cherry pie. After all, it was going to be 30 (30!) miles until my next eating opportunity.
Late Mid-Morning Snack: Make that 16 miles until my next eating opportunity. However, at this SAG stop, I limited myself to water, and my stomach thanked me.
Lunch: The volunteer fire department of Perrinton provides a buffet lunch to raise money for (what else), the volunteer fire department. The sloppy Joes were tempting, but, mindful, of the quiche and pie that were still sitting rather heavily in my stomach, I opted for a turkey sandwich, potato soup (which turned out to be more potato chunks than soup), and a can of Coke.
Mid-afternoon Snack: Fifteen miles later, we arrived in Alma, where the near 100% humidity and northern headwind, had me searching for liquid sustenance, provided by Gatorade served from giant red and yellow plastic coolers. I enjoyed it, because when it comes to food and drink, presentation is everything. After our break, we rode by Alma High School, and if someone tells you "I'm an Alma graduate," let it be known that the proper response is to say "Oh, I'm sorry. I hope you a finish next year."
End of Ride Liquid Refreshment: Lemonade was served each day at the end of the ride and I always made sure I had my share, usually filling up one of my water bottles with that yellow nectar, to drink at my leisure while sitting in my beach chair by my tent. At the risk of getting ahead of myself (too late, I already did), on the second day, after finishing my lemonade, I tipped over my water bottle on the grass, and discovered, as I was getting ready to brush my teeth that night, that about 20 ants had gotten inside of the bottle; obviously enjoying the lemonade residue. So, did that stop me from using the bottle the rest of the ride? What do you think?
Dinner: Dinner at the Shepherd High School cafeteria consisted of lasagna (two helpings), pork, potato salad, and pasta, with some green beans and fruit thrown into the mix for attempted nutritional balance. This was washed down with a couple cartons of milk, followed by German chocolate cake, because I take pride in my partial German heritage.
After Dinner Snack: Another dessert, a hot fudge milkshake at a local ice cream shop; this time for no discernable reason involving ethnic pride.
Thursday - Shepherd to Lake City, 85 Miles
Breakfast: High school cafeteria style scrambled eggs, French toast, a sausage link, fruit, and milk; not for the first time, as I was to discover.
Mid-Morning Snack: Twenty-one miles into the ride, the local convenience store in Beal City gives DALMAC riders a free banana with the purchase of Gatorade or bottled water and the store was mobbed with riders. We're cheap dates. I washed down my banana with not just any old grape Gatorade, but "Fierce Grape" Gatorade. I looked forward to the finish of the day's ride, when I'd wind down and relax with some "Mellow Grape" Gatorade.
Lunch: Twenty-five miles later, at the Lake George campground, I resisted the temptation to eat a brat and ate another turkey sandwich instead. From personal experience (i.e., last year), I learned that while I liked the brat, my like was unrequited. (Sighhhhhh.) I also ate a bag of Doritos and a nectarine, washed down with another Coke.
Mid-Afternoon Snack: The Marion High School cross-country team set up a booth in the middle of nowhere 60 miles into the ride that featured various ice cream products. Because I was a cross-country runner in high school, I decided to show my support for their efforts by drinking a root beer float. Ah, who am I kidding? If it had been the Marion High School bear wrestling team, I still would have stopped.
Dinner: After we arrived at Lake City, Tim, John, Dan, Bob, and I went swimming in Lake Missaukee, where for everyone except John, swimming was defined as walking into the lake and standing in water up to our shoulders. After working up even more of an appetite after this strenuous activity, we were more than ready for dinner. Dinner at the Lake City High School cafeteria featuring turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, green beans, salad, milk, and an ice cream bar. The yellow gravy wasn't particularly attractive looking, but it still tasted good over the first three items, because sometimes presentation isn't everything.
After Dinner Snack: We paid a visit to a local watering hole/restaurant, where Tim, Carl, Dan, Bob, and I split a couple pitchers of beer, and my contribution to the effort was to drink a quarter of a glass. When you drink about 4 beers a year, you have to pace yourself. I washed this down with a glass of Mountain Dew, not on the rocks. Cognizant of that old adage "Beer before Dew, what kind of fool are you," I knew that I was taking a risk, but I suffered no ill effects.
Friday - Lake City to Central Lake, 66 Miles
Breakfast, Part 1: High school cafeteria style scrambled eggs, French toast, sausage patty, and fruit, with oatmeal and a couple of pancakes, as well.
Breakfast, Part 2: Because the coffee at the high school was not up to my riding companions high or even mediocre standards, we rode about a half mile to a coffee shop, where I, a coffee teetotaler, watched my companions drink this beverage. Mercifully, we finally began our ride.
Mid-Morning Snack: We stopped at the East Boardman United Methodist church after 26 miles for the legendary church ladies pies. I had a slice of blueberry pie washed down with an orange Gatorade, the perfect color coordination for this Chicago Bears fan. Then, I had an apple bar, which took care of my fructose nutritional needs for the next week or two.
Later Mid-Morning Snack: Actually, this only took care of my fructose nutritional needs for the next 19 miles, as we stopped in Rapid City, where I ate a DALMAC provided peanut butter cookie the size of a small Frisbee. I also took a banana along for the road.
Lunch: After 8 calorie depleting miles, we stopped for lunch at the Dockside Restaurant at the corner of Clam River and Torch Lake. Tired of eating turkey for lunch, I ate something complete different - chicken, in a spicy southwestern wrap, along with corn chips and an ice cubeless Coke. After eating there last year, I discovered that a gratuity was added to the bill, and that I had actually tipped the waiter twice. He didn't serve us this year, as he was probably busy sailing on Torch Lake in his yacht. A picture of us in our natural element is shown below.
Doing What We Do Best (Left to Right: Dan, Bob, Carl, John, Rick, and Tim)
Dinner: At Central Lake, we had a cookout at the high school, featuring hamburgers, roasted corn on the cob, dipped in butter (2), baked beans, and fruit, followed by a piece of chocolate cake, because I take pride in my chocolate eating heritage.
After Dinner Snack: Another ice cream shop, another root beer float. The life a touring bicycle rider is a hard one.
Saturday - Central Lake to Pellston, 93 Miles
Breakfast: I started the day with my leftover banana from yesterday's cookie stop. Then I proceeded to eat, yet again, scrambled eggs, French toast, a sausage patty, oatmeal, and fruit, washed down with some milk. I found that I was really enjoying my oatmeal, something I rarely eat. Could Cream of Wheat be next? Who needs teeth to eat, anyway?
Mid-Morning Snack: After a hard early morning tackling "The Wall," a hill with an 18% grade, how does a cyclist reward himself? With a hot dog, of course, from the Boyne City Lions Club, along with a watermelon slice. And some Gatorade from those always stylish red and yellow coolers.
Later Morning Snack: Nine miles later, 32 miles into the ride, my cycling companions and I regrouped at Walloon Lake, where we found our tour route director distributing leftover cookies from yesterday's cookie stop. It was obvious that these cookies needed a home and half of a chocolate chip cookie found one, in my jersey pocket. The other half found a home in my stomach.
Lunch: Eighteen miles later, after reaching Harbor Springs, most of the rest of the cookie moved to its new home in my stomach, and I washed it down with a chocolate milkshake. Just the kind of lunch my Mom always used to serve.
Late Lunch: We had planned to eat at Leg's Inn in Cross Village, but we had at least a 30 to 45 minute wait to be seated, and we figured that we'd then be spending another hour ordering and eating our food. Since we had to get to Pellston someday, we opted to dine at a convenience store nearby. I ate a prepackaged ham sandwich, which was better than I expected (it helps to set the bar low), with some fruit punch Gatorade.
Dinner: The last 22 miles of the ride from Cross Village to Pellston is always surprisingly hard, but it didn't seem to be quite as hard this year, despite the fact the chocolate milkshake and the fruit punch Gatorade were vying for supremacy in my stomach. Finally, a truce was declared by the time we reached Pellston Elementary School, and I was able to eat a dinner of chicken with wild rice, green beans, pasta, salad, and an apple, washed down with milk and very sweet lemonade, my dessert substitute.
After Dinner Snack: Nothing. What was wrong with me?
Sunday - Pellston to Sault Ste. Marie, 77 Miles
Breakfast - Same as ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was ........
Mid-Morning Snack - Crossing the Mackinac Bridge always works up an appetite (after all, half the ride is uphill), so we stopped in St. Ignace, 25 miles from the start, for some pie. Hmmmm, I had already eaten some blueberry/cherry and blueberry pie, so the choice of pie was obvious - cherry, this time with whipped cream. Thus fortified, we rode the next 29 miles to Rudyard.
Lunch: The Rudyard Lions Club was serving pasties, but eating a glorified turkey pot pie held little gastronomical appeal for me, so I opted for a sloppy Joe, cool ranch Doritos, an apple, and a can of Coke. I also had to save room for our late lunch in Sault Ste. Marie. We were planning to dine on hamburgers at the West Pier Drive-In, the second best burger joint in Michigan, according to the Kalamazoo Gazette.
The Late Lunch That Was Not To Be: It started raining about 15 miles from Sault Ste. Marie High School, our finishing point, although not very hard. I decided to make a dramatic finishing statement by riding over a deep pothole on the road leading to the school entrance, which resulted in a pinch flat on my front tire, and a quarter-mile walk to the finish. While replacing the tube in the high school hallway, it started pouring; a hard rain that kept up for the next hour. Since we didn't want to ride in the soaking rain, we decided to cancel our burger trip.
Dinner - On the bus back to Lansing, we were given a choice of a small turkey, roast beef, or vegetarian sub. I selected the turkey sub, which was complemented by potato chips, an apple and a cookie (although I actually gave the cookie away!), along with bottled water. I also managed to snag a vegetarian sub and pretended that it was a cheeseburger.
After Dinner Snack: The buses back to Lansing always stop at the US-127 rest area near Clare, and it is always fun to watch my fellow cyclists and I rush off the buses to swarm around the vending machines. I chose the TGI Friday potato skins and an RC Cola for my snacking pleasure.
After After Dinner Snack: We arrived in Lansing at 11:00 P.M. and soon I was on my way home. En route, I had to satisfy my unfulfilled cheeseburger craving with two double cheeseburgers, courtesy of a McDonalds in Charlotte. For my liquid accompaniment, I opted for a convenience store Mountain Dew. By 1:00 A.M., I was home, and by 1:30, I was asleep; visions of tofu, brussels sprouts, and broccoli in an alternative nutritional universe dancing through my head. The tour was over.
Rick Whaley, KBC Newsletter Editor
