2014. Or as Abraham Lincoln might have put it, "Seven score and 11 years from now." And now it's over. At this time of year, I think that it is appropriate to pause in somber reflection upon those that we have lost during the previous year. "We" being I and "those" being my bicycle equipment and accessories. So allow me to reminisce about those items that were a tangible part of my cycling life at the beginning of 2014, but destined to remain only in my memory by the end of the year.
January
Toe Cover: The toe covers that I bought in 2013 were no match for the pavement. After being dragged on the ground a couple times while coming to a stop, the toe cover that I put on my left foot began to develop a hole that eventually became a gaping hole that eventually defeated the purpose of even wearing a toe cover. So, I bought a new pair made of sterner stuff. My toe cover was like a hothouse flower, just too delicate for this world. As for the other old toe cover; it lies forlornly near the door to my garage, bereft.
February
Bicycle Chain: Over the years and every few thousand miles, a chain is installed, used, worn out, and replaced. It is the circle (or ellipse) of life.
March
Cycling Gloves: Some cyclists search for the perfect bicycle seat. Others search for the perfect bicycle tire. I search for the perfect bicycle gloves; a search that I fear is in vain. Tired of the worn and unsatisfactory cycling gloves that I had used for a couple years, I replaced them with two new pairs of gloves. The old gloves disappointed me, while the new gloves are disappointing me. And like their predecessors, they will eventually be discarded, unloved and unmourned. And I'll ignore the apparent hopelessness of my search, a sadder and still no wiser man.
Bicycle Tires: Over the years and every few thousand miles, tires are installed, used, worn out, and replaced. It is the circle (yes, the circle) of life.
Bicycle Tube: The Bontrager rims on my newer Lemond bicycle can be rather temperamental while removing and reinstalling bicycle tires. As a result, I end up using tire levers while reinstalling the tires, putting my bicycle tubes at the risk of a puncture by the aforementioned levers. And so it came to pass that I lost a brand new bicycle tube while replacing a tire. Oh, the places you could have gone, but now we'll never know. Surprisingly, this was the only punctured tube that I experienced in 2014. So, I'm expecting flat tire and bicycle tube carnage in 2015.
May
Human Skull Tail Light Attachment: One of the coolest pieces of cycling equipment that I've ever owned is the human skull bicycle tail light that I received as a Christmas present in 2013. Press the button; the eyes, nose, and mouth light up. Press it again; the eyes, nose, and mouth blink. Press it again; the eyes light up. Press it again; the eyes blink. Press it again; the eyes, nose, and mouth blink in sequence. Terrifying and practical, what more could a cyclist want?
Unfortunately, this was not the most well constructed bicycle light that I have ever owned. During a ride in hot weather a few months later, I heard a "clunk," looked back, and saw my bicycle tail light lying in the middle of the road. Apparently, the part of the attachment encircling the seat post upon which the bicycle light is attached had turned brittle in the heat and snapped as I rode over some rough pavement. And until I find match for this attachment, the light is useless, except when used as a rather nice Halloween decoration.
August
Bicycle Tires: The circle of life moves rapidly for bicycle tires, the mayflies of bicycle equipment, as opposed to cycling jerseys, the tortoises of bicycle accessories.
September
Chain Lube: What is it about a paraffin based chain lube that makes me want to wax eloquent? My White Lightning chain lube had served me well over the past couple of years, coating the chain like a creamy, thin layer of vanilla frosting, but it eventually waned away. Now I'm using ProLink chain lube, a lube that when applied is "breaking the friction barrier."
Friction Barriers: No sense in letting broken friction barriers clutter up my garage.
October
Cyclometer: Before a Monday night KBC ride, I noticed that my cyclometer was loose and I couldn't securely place it in its holder. But I thought that I had secured it well enough and I was wrong. While riding over the speed bumps on 8th Street south of U Avenue, the cyclometer fell off, something I didn't notice until a quarter mile later. I left the rest of the Monday night riders and went back to retrieve it. I found it lying in the road, presumably unscathed, until I observed that the face of the cyclometer was a mosaic of silver and black. I suspect that a car had run over it. Useless as a speed and mileage indicator and not up to my high standards as an object of modern art, I replaced it.
December
Headlight Batteries: I have two Cateye Opti Cube headlights, each powered by 4 AA batteries. They put out good light for something powered by AA batteries and it lasts for 60 hours. Note, however, that 60 does not equal infinity, and while riding around various Portage neighborhoods one night, the light on the headlight that I was using rapidly dimmed. While I actually rode rather gently into that good night, I did indeed rage, rage against the dying of the light. Then, I got home and replaced the batteries.
Knee Warmers: The end came rather suddenly for my knee warmers. One day, they worked just fine, and the next day (sometime in October), the tops of the knee warmers began to droop below the pants legs of my cycling shorts. The elastic had deteriorated. This was both annoying and unstylish. So, I got a new pair of knee warmers for Christmas. As for the old ones, it's "Dead knee warmers walking," so to speak, as they are currently lying in a wastebasket in my house. I can't actually do much walking with them in there.
The Future
Attempting to gaze into the future, I see some other bicycle accessories that may not last this year. The elastic on my arm warmers is worn, as well as the fabric on a couple of my cycling shorts. Some of my water bottle aren't functioning that well and I could use the extra cupboard space by clearing out a couple of them. Then, there are the usual tire, tube, chain, and battery replacements that occur every year. There could also be some surprise equipment losses, like my cyclometer. So, when look at my collection of bicycling equipment and accessories, I find myself pondering the mystery that is the year 2015, 7.6 score based on Gettysburg Address units.
Rick Whaley, KBC Newsletter Editor
