When it comes to bicycle helmet wearing advocacy, I am not your poster boy, although I do like to think that I'd look rather fetching as a poster boy. However, I always wear a bicycle helmet when I'm riding, because I figure that the one time I don't, I'll end up swerving to miss a squirrel, hit a pothole, slip out of my pedals, kick my front tire, run over a piece of glass, and fall spectacularly onto the pavement that was recently traveled by an overloaded gravel and scrap metal truck. Then, after picking myself up and inspecting the damage to my body and bicycle while watching a car that has veered around me run over the aforementioned squirrel, smash into a tree, and burst into flames, I'll be hit on the head by a meteor. So, yes, I always wear a bicycle helmet while riding.
So, I think it's dumb to ride a bicycle without a helmet, but I don't shame those riders who don't wear one, particularly when running errands. Hey, maybe they don't have a meteor with their name on it. I also understand the argument that wearing a helmet makes a rider less adverse to risk taking. I know that every time I put on my Headcloak of Invulnerability, I find myself constantly resisting the urge to play chicken with the motorists who happen to be heading towards me, especially those driving a smart car. Still, I was a bit surprised, while browsing through the Bicycling Magazine website, to read about a study suggesting that people who wear bicycle helmets, even while not riding a bicycle, are more inclined to indulge in risk taking behavior.
More specifically, researchers performed a study where half the participants wore a bicycle helmet and half the participants wore a baseball cap, both hats fitted with an eye tracking device. (In case you were wondering, the participants were told that they were wearing headgear to hold the device in place, as opposed telling them that they were wearing headgear because the researchers needed a cheap laugh.) They played a computer game where they gambled on how much they could inflate a balloon before bursting. Apparently, both the cyclists and non-cyclists who were wearing a bicycle helmet were willing to risk inflating the balloon higher than their corresponding cap wearers. I say "apparently" because, after following the link to the SAGE journals website, I was only able to read the abstract of the study. Our Kalamazoo Bicycle Club Constitution, in what must have been a careless oversight, does not supply the Pedal Press Editor with a yearly research stipend. Hence, I was not willing to fork over 35 dollars out of my own pocket to actually read the article.
But the point remains that if we assume that inflating animated balloons is comparable to real life risk taking behaviors, such as inflating bicycle tubes without a tire gauge, this study does indeed gives one pause. As well as generating more hypotheses, such as the following.
- Does wearing a stovepipe hat lead one to engage in more theater going risk taking behavior?
- Does wearing a fez lead one to engage in more reckless miniature car driving behavior?
- Does wearing a porkpie hat lead one to engage in more improvisational music playing behavior?
Worthy questions, I think you'll agree, that beg for an answer, particularly if we amend the KBC Constitution.
However, because I am a Man of Action, as well as a Pedal Press Editor, I decided to forge ahead and do some bicycle helmet wearing research of my own, using my favorite subject and costing my favorite amount of money - me and zero. I think you'll be fascinated by the results.
Wearing a Bicycle Helmet While Taking a Shower: Since the researchers were from the University of Bath, this seemed to be an appropriate place to start my own research. I strapped on my helmet and felt a wave of confidence wash over me, almost precluding the need for a shower. I turned the faucet to full heat and immediately turned on the shower, because the water would get hot eventually. I soaped my feet and began to practice break dancing moves (oh, to be a fly on the wall) to the sounds of music from the radio perched at the edge of the tub. My head spin was particularly impressive and was greatly aided by the helmet. Shampooing my hair was a challenge, but I rose to the occasion, finding a new use for the air vents. I then stood in the tub and dried myself off using my hair dryer.
Wearing a Bicycle Helmet While Cooking: I decided to fix chili for dinner. So, I strapped on my helmet, looked at my hands, and thought to myself, "Ah, they're clean enough, although not as clean as the toilet I just scrubbed." I got out the ground beef, placed it on the cutting board, separated it into small pieces, and put the pieces in the skillet to brown. Then, without washing my hands because they still looked clean enough, I got out the onion, green pepper, and tomato. I also got out the kitchen knives and thought to myself, "You know, it's finally time that I learn how to juggle!" After determining that I needed more practice, I chopped up the food items on the cutting board and placed the onion and pepper pieces in the skillet. I turned on the burner, occasionally picking up the skillet with one hand while placing the palm of my other hand on the coil to make sure that it was hot enough. I stirred the ground meat, onion, and green pepper with my finger. When it was done, I poured the grease down the drain.
It was then time to cook the chili. I placed the meat, onions, and green pepper into a cast iron pot, added the tomato slices, and stirred in tomato sauce, opening the can with a rusty screwdriver and a hammer. I stirred in copious amounts of chili powder and an entire jar of red pepper just to tantalize my taste buds, followed by a can of hot chili beans, also removed from their can via screwdriver and hammer. I set the burner to full heat and cooked the chili, while checking to see if the pot was hot enough with my tongue.
Wearing a Bicycle Helmet While Doing Laundry: I strapped on my helmet and placed all my clothes into the washing machine, because it was too much trouble to separate the clothes by color, and if worse came to worse, it didn't matter, because tie-dyed clothes look really hip. I threw in some detergent and bleach without measuring, of course, because only squares measure detergent and bleach. Then, after spinning the wash setting like a roulette wheel, I started the washer. After the clothes were washed, I jammed them into the dryer and set it to high heat for 3 hours, because I like my clothes to be warm and snuggly. Of course, I didn't clean the lint trap beforehand.
Wearing a Bicycle Helmet While Shoveling Snow: I strapped on my helmet and thought to myself, "Hernia surgery, schmernia surgery, I don't need to worry about that!" So, I left my snowblower in the garage and got out my snow shovel. I made a game out of trying to see how much snow I could place on the shovel at one time. Then, while throwing the snow, I pretended that I was playing "Twister," just to give my back a good workout. I also made a game out of seeing how fast I could shovel the snow, just to give my heart a good workout. There were some places where I had to use the snowblower to clean up some particularly icy spots, but this also gave me the opportunity to explore where the hole in the chute actually goes.
Well, as you can see, I think we're detecting a pattern here, but further testing is needed. For example, future researchers could study the effect of wearing a bicycle helmet while doing income taxes, lawn mowing, tree trimming, and bar hopping. And while we're testing the hypothesis that wearing a bicycle helmet encourages a person to engage in risky behaviors, we should also keep in mind that it may actually be the case that wearing a baseball cap encourages a person to behave like a complete wuss.
Still, if I ever see a picture of Kim Jong-un wearing a bicycle helmet while reviewing a parade (or an execution), I think I'm going to really regret not building that fallout shelter.
Rick Whaley, KBC Newsletter Editor
